Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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