What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have feelings that need drinking.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
