I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
