Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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