i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
