Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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