He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
