Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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