Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
