I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
