she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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