How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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