She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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