What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
