I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
