Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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