Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
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I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.