Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm