somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dating After Heartbreak
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?