You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you