i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
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Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.