He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
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Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
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Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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