she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
