i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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