I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
being pregnant is like rehab
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
