I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
