I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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