Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
