Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
