it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize