She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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