Rock
Scissors
Fuck
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
