Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
