i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
