The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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