Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
