Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?

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  (317): So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself? http://tfl.nu/kpiy
  Replies (5) Good night (1557) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

  (206): View more from Washington

  High?

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahahahaha turkey breast

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  (425): ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector. (206): High? (425): hahahahaha turkey breast http://tfl.nu/8hm7
  Replies (41) Good night (3516) Bad night (571)
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  (914): View more from New York

  when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"

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  (914): when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing" http://tfl.nu/damz
  Replies (27) Good night (625) Bad night (3769) Order T-Shirt
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them

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  (856): So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them http://tfl.nu/pyve
  Replies (31) Good night (3303) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

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  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8550) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..

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  (630): The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning.. http://tfl.nu/4rfg
  Replies (16) Good night (4655) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.

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  (601): I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk. http://tfl.nu/k978
  Replies (13) Good night (3571) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

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  (513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj
  Replies (23) Good night (6881) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store

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  (303): Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store http://tfl.nu/jpa2
  Replies (19) Good night (5086) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

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  (518): I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday. http://tfl.nu/tx0i
  Replies (16) Good night (6152) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.

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  (409): There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit. http://tfl.nu/49qn
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (2445) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.

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  (970): She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag. http://tfl.nu/2nbx
  Replies (12) Good night (698) Bad night (2436) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again

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  (570): I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again http://tfl.nu/qatr
  Replies (7) Good night (1853) Bad night (507)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.

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  (901): ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon. http://tfl.nu/tiqj
  Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me

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  (530): I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me http://tfl.nu/myp4
  Replies (1) Good night (802) Bad night (176) Order T-Shirt

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