Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness