If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
