I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.