You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.