i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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