Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.