it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
