It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.