all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset