Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
