someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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