I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
