I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
