I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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