We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
