i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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