You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
