Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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