i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
