Soap is not a condiment
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Damn victory sex feels great
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