I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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