I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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