making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
