Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
pop tarts are not kleenex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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