i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
