Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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