if only i could text you this smell
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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