tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
They are going to name an STD after you.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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