We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
