is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
