Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We have started to decorate penises.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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