16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
