I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
