In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
