now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
