He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
