So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
