Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
