Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
