So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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