how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
