I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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