I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
