I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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