So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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