I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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