my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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