I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
