I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
