i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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