Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
