I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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