I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
